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Don’t Stop Pursuing Your Spouse

Day 1 - Jul 27, 2020

Dating...the prerequisite of what ifs...those butterflies and nerves...compatibility...the moment you realize they are "the one"... you fall in love...and in time, you nervously pop the question and she responds......."Yes!"

...Now what?

Your marriage can succeed. Regardless of how much you are struggling or how fearful you may be, you can make it in marriage. Marriage was God's idea and He will be your guide as you yield to Him.  Even if you may have not had the best examples of a healthy marriage around you growing up.

God also made you for marriage and He never makes anything to fail. You might say, “Then why are so many people failing in their marriages?” It’s because they’re not doing it God’s way.

There are several issues at stake here, but one of the most significant is that when many people get married, they stop pursuing each other.  When I say, "Don't stop pursuing your spouse", I'm not talking about simply having a date night and going somewhere for an activity.  I'm speaking specifically about, "Don't stop pursuing each other's heart... each other's interests... and each other's dreams".  At the same time, don't put pressure on your spouse to meet your deepest needs...we really need to be depending on Jesus to meet those needs.  Your spouse is your helpmate, not your source.  



Take Action

Take the pressure off!  

Stop putting pressure on your spouse and stop allowing pressure to come on you.  Don't let high expectation preconceived ideas of what you thought marriage should look like shape how you view your spouse.   The natural order of life events will play out, and as it does, realize that God is the life source in your marriage.  Give each other room to grow.

Tuck a hand written love note to your spouse somewhere for them to find.  

Proverbs 16:24 says...Kind words are like honey--sweet to the soul and healthy for the body.

 

 

Day 2 - Jul 28, 2020

In the dating phase, most of the time from the get-go, you send a message of acceptance by agreeing to have coffee, dinner, movie, event, etc.  You decided to spend time together for the purpose of acceptance and learning about one another.  

All of us long for Acceptance. We want someone who will love us regardless of how our weight fluctuates or any other physical trait.  We want to be accepted without having to perform for it.

Unfortunately, most people live life based on conditions.

  • We worry that if they knew everything about us, they’d no longer like us.
  • The love of Jesus is unconditional.
  • It has no strings attached. He says, “I will never leave you. I will never forsake you.He accepts us without hesitation.  


Take Action

Take a moment and allow the Lord to show you how much He accepts and loves you.  Now, think about how much he accepts and loves your spouse.  

  • It’s not about deserving anything. It’s simply because, He is Love!
  • Think of a way you can show unconditional love to your spouse today.   

Day 3 - Jul 29, 2020

As you dated you thought...Are we meant for each other?  Do we have fun together?  Laugh together?  Bring out the best in each other?  Can we appreciate each other's individuality if we become a couple?

Another need we all have is Identity.  Sometimes we rely on marriage to tell us who we are, but the Bible says Jesus stitched us together in our mother’s womb. He created us. He knows us to our very core. We discover who we truly are, not from our marriage relationship, but from our relationship with Him.



Take Action

Your true identity is found in Him.

  • Do you know what your Heavenly Father say about you? Read 2 Corinthians 5:17

Day 4 - Jul 30, 2020

As you dated, you may have asked yourself, "Can I really just be 'me' around them?" 

A Third Basic Need is Security. We want to feel safe. We want to find someone with whom we can relax and be ourselves and find refuge. A healthy marriage relationship can and should provide this, but again, people will let us down. We’re fallen creatures.  We make mistakes.  We sin.

We’ll never find true security in a person, but we can find that security in God. He can protect us from anything and anyone. His love for us is unshakable and His salvation is eternal.



Take Action

Our true “Security” is only found in Him. Let the words, “I will never leave you and I will never turn away from you” give you comfort.

We recommend you take the Strength Finders Test online.  Knowing and understanding your top 5 strenghs can shed light on your "security" scale.  We hope both you and your spouse take the Strength Finders Test online then read each other's results.  When couples understand what "makes the other tick", the security in their relationship grows.  

Day 5 - Jul 31, 2020

We all Long for Purpose. Some people live in pursuit of power or love or money or popularity. At the core of those things is purpose—they are looking for something that will fulfill them. In Jesus, we find an eternal purpose. When you live for Jesus Christ, you’ll always have a reason to get up the next day.

Why?  Because your purpose is not tied to yourself. It’s not tied to something that can be lost like money. It’s not tied to something as fleeting as popularity. It’s tied to eternity and the Kingdom of God. In psychology, the principle of transference describes when a person redirects feelings and desires from one object to another.

When we try to find acceptance, identity, security and purpose from our spouse rather than from God, that’s transference. It will always result in disappointment.

Transference ruins marriages because people fail. God’s love never fails. Only He can meet your deepest needs, and when you find your needs met in Him—when your personal spiritual health improves—your marriage will improve, too.



Take Action

Today, read Jeremiah 29:11 over yourself.  

  • Take some time over the weekend to memorize this verse.