Healthy Couples Don't Try to Control Each Other
Day 1 - Feb 5, 2024
How damaging do you think a controlling spouse is to a marriage?
Do you remember the story of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden? When Eve sinned, God pronounced a curse over her: “To the woman he said, ‘I will greatly increase your labor pains…You will want to control your husband, but he will dominate you.’” (Genesis 3:16).
This is not a gender-specific curse because domination and control are both gender-neutral. There are controlling men and women. Adam and Eve rebelled when they tried to remove themselves from under God’s authority, then tried to take authority over each other.
Take Action
Is there an area where you know you’ve been controlling?
If so, do you know why? Is it because you fear what might happen if you don't keep control? One study said, 92% of the things we worry about will never happen. That is a lot of time spent on something that will never happen. So, let's focus on "why".
- Why do you feel you must be in control?
- Why does your spouse feel they must be in control?
- Most of the time it has a foundation rooted in fear.
If you tend to be controlling, ask the Lord to reveal to you the root of your fear. Now ask the Lord how He sees it and what He wants you to do about it.
Day 2 - Feb 6, 2024
One reason people try to control one another is pride.
One spouse may constantly believe he or she is right. Or, even worse! Some have grown up in a family system in which the men were chauvinists. From childhood, they were taught men were better than women.
If this is you, allow God to break this in your heart and make sure you understand that your spouse is not your inferior, but your equal.
- Chauvinism is a sin.
- It’s a sin for men to believe they’re better than women, or for women to believe they’re better than men. Husbands and wives should be equal.
Take Action
Ask for forgiveness where you’ve been controlling.
- Ask the Lord to forgive you, and ask your spouse to forgive you.
- Make a conscious effort to change and stop being controlling.
- Seek guidance if you need help overcoming this area.
- Your marriage will improve if you do.
Day 3 - Feb 7, 2024
Another reason people want to control is deception.
Any teaching that tries to use the Bible to say that men are superior to women is wrong teaching.
- Everywhere I go, as often as I can, I teach that we are equals.
Men may be the head of the home, but they are in that position to sacrificially serve their wives as Jesus does (see Ephesians 5:25). The only way you’re going to have a blessed marriage, is if you have a mindset of equality.
Take Action
Start serving your spouse, TODAY!
- Do something special for your spouse today, without wanting any recognition or getting anything in return.
- This has nothing to do with your spouse deserving anything.
Day 4 - Feb 8, 2024
One reason for domination is an unsanctified strong personality.
- It’s not wrong to have a strong personality.
- That may be your natural personality!
The problem is when this personality is not submitted to God. Only when submitted to God will you be filled with the fruit of the Spirit. Which is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness and self-control.
Without these Godly traits, a naturally strong personality can go off the rails and begin to dominate their spouse.
Take Action
Ask the Lord to show you where your personality needs to be softened.
- You may want to even ask your spouse as well.
- We are typically a product of what we've seen and done through our upbringing.
Be ready to listen, without being defensive. Don’t be quick to reply, "Yes, But!" as you try to justify yourself.
Just listen, and do your best to understand how your personality may be impacting others. Then work to soften it where you need it most.
Day 5 - Feb 9, 2024
One reason we want to control is because there's a lack of trust.
When you don’t trust God with the people, problems, and issues in your life, you end up trying to take charge of all those things. Rather than trusting God, you try to manipulate, intimidate, or dominate the elements of your life into submission.
Control is a curse, and it has to be broken. The only cure for it, is for a husband and wife to both come back under the authority from which they first rebelled. They both have to submit to the leadership of Jesus Christ.
Take Action
The person being dominated must stand up to the dominant spouse, in a loving way. Together, they must submit to each other as it says in Eph 5:21.
- Only then will your marriage be on the path toward intimacy and emotional health.
- If you don’t know already, pray and ask the Lord to show you where you don’t fully trust and then ask a deeper question, "WHY".
- It’s most likely stemming from a place of pain.
- Let Him reveal it to you & then give that pain to the Lord because He loves you.
- Don't hesitate to ask for trusted and wise help in navigating this conversation.