Let’s Talk: Upgrading Our Communication
Day 1 - Oct 20, 2025
Don’t Open the Door!
The Bible tells us in Ephesians 4:27 to give the enemy no place, which means we must avoid giving him any opportunity to attack. If the enemy were targeting your marriage, where do you think he would strike first?
In warfare, one of the first goals is to cut off the enemy's lines of communication. This is crucial because communication is key to strategy, making adjustments, and meeting basic needs. Without effective communication, a military force can become confused and weakened. Without consistent and clear communication the strength that comes from unity can fade, and if not addressed, a continued lack of communication can lead to defeat.
The same is true in marriage. The enemy works hard to disrupt and even sever communication lines between spouses.
God created men and women with distinct differences, and one of those differences is how we communicate. For many women, communication is one of their most important needs.
- Simply put, husbands and wives need to talk.
Take Action
It’s essential to share your feelings and enter each other’s worlds with empathetic ears and open hearts. Given the differences between men and women, communication is typically an area where husbands often need to improve.
Let’s reflect:
- How would you rate your communication with your spouse?
- Are there specific topics that are difficult to discuss? Why?
- What areas could you explore to deepen your understanding of each other?
Day 2 - Oct 21, 2025
Five Essentials for Successful Communication in Marriage
Today, we're diving into the first essential: Caring
This is straightforward. You cannot communicate effectively with someone who doesn’t show they care to listen, share, and discuss together. If one spouse seems uninterested, it can feel like talking to a brick wall, leaving you feeling unimportant.
When your spouse speaks to you, stop what you’re doing. Turn to them, look them in the eyes, and really listen. Put your phone away—maybe even in another room—so you can focus entirely on them.
Pay attention to your spouse when they talk. When they finish, ask if you can provide feedback or clarify anything they might be feeling or thinking.
By using attentive body language, you show that you value them. Learn to listen with your eyes, not just your ears.
Take Action
Validate what they share with you by saying something like, “So, what I understand you’re saying is that you feel or believe…” Validation is crucial for both spouses to feel valued and heard, whether discussing personal matters or challenges at work.
Now, let’s reflect:
- How can you demonstrate caring in your conversations to deepen your connection?
- What steps will you take to ensure your spouse feels truly heard during your discussions?
Day 3 - Oct 22, 2025
The Power of Praise in Your Marriage
Praise is essential for healthy, positive communication in your marriage.
2. Praise - Psalm 100 reminds us that we enter God's gates with thanksgiving and His courts with praise. Imagine entering a space with your spouse, using life-giving words instead of negative ones. On the flip side, consider that negativity can block us from feeling God’s presence. Since we are made in God's image, negativity can hurt our communication.
Critical Conversations are a natural part of every marriage. However, there is a key difference between Critical Conversations and Negative Conversations. Critical Conversations address negative circumstances, but Negative Conversations focus on HOW we express those circumstances. While negative discussions can happen in marriage, it’s crucial to be mindful of your words.
For every critical or negative word spoken, aim to share ten positive words. Starting your conversations with praise sets a tone of appreciation and support.
Take Action
Praise is a discipline that keeps us focused on what is right and pours life into our spouse. Remember, your partner is a son or daughter of the Most High King—our Lord and Savior.
So today, give your spouse some praise! Be fun, creative, and, most importantly, sincere!
Now, let’s think about this:
- How can you make praise a regular part of your daily conversations to uplift your spouse?
- What are some specific ways you can balance critical discussions with positive affirmations to strengthen your connection?
Day 4 - Oct 23, 2025
Today, we’re focusing on the 3rd and 4th essentials:
3. Kindness / Truth
In Ephesians 4, Paul highlights the importance of speaking the truth in love. These two elements—truth and love—must always balance each other.
- Mercy without truth is like a cheerleader without a team—it’s meaningless.
- Truth without mercy is like surgery without anesthesia—it’s just plain cruel.
4. Faith
Faith is crucial for effective communication. You need to have faith in both God and each other. In marriage, each spouse should feel free to express themselves, but they must also trust God to work on each other's hearts. That’s what faith is all about!
Stan and I often remind couples that we are always responsible for what we say, how we say it, and when we say it. Never justify your words just because they are factual. Your goal is to connect in conversation, not to win an argument.
Take Action
Regarding Kindness:
- Make sure to balance your honesty with kindness and be mindful of the tone in which you speak to each other.
Regarding Faith:
- Don’t manipulate. Trust in God to bring about change and improvement instead of nagging or browbeating to get your way.
Let’s reflect:
- How can you ensure that kindness and truth are balanced in your conversations to deepen your connection?
- In what ways can you strengthen your faith in each other during challenging discussions to foster a more supportive environment?
Day 5 - Oct 24, 2025
The 5th Essential for Successful Communication in Marriage
As we wrap up this week, let’s talk about the 5th essential for great communication in marriage:
5. Surrender. The best conversations happen when both husband and wife surrender to God. This means giving your heart, mind, and mouth to Him. Let God guide you so you can communicate better. Remember, “This mouth belongs to God,” and let Him use it for good.
Before you speak, ask yourself to T.H.I.N.K.:
- T - Is it True?
- H - Is it Helpful?
- I - Is it Inspiring?
- N - Is it Necessary?
- K - Is it Kind?
Take Action
Let’s Reflect:
- How can you give your communication to God to create a more loving conversation in your marriage?
- What can you do to make sure your words follow the T.H.I.N.K. guide to build a stronger connection?
Communication is key to a healthy marriage.
- Do you and your spouse talk to each other or at each other?
- Does your marriage show these five essentials for good communication?
Take some time to review all 5 essentials and start using them. Remember, "Great conversations start with great questions!"