Great Marriages Still Have to Deal With Times of Anger
Day 1 - Jun 29, 2020
Great marriages will still have times of anger. That’s just the way it is. Mandy and I have come a long way since recognizing the root and how to deal with anger.
Anger is inevitable and anger is normal. It’s a human response. God gets angry. Jesus got angry and cleansed the temple. The Bible says, “Be angry and do not sin”. Being angry and not sinning is foreign to most people because we usually associate anger with being out of control. The fact that you become angry is not evidence that something is wrong with you. The key is what you do with your anger.
Day 2 - Jun 30, 2020
What you need to understand is the difference between getting angry in the present...today’s anger, and holding onto anger from the past. Today’s anger is manageable, but yesterday’s anger is toxic. That kind of anger is the most destructive force in marriage, period!
- We have to be very intentional about releasing anger from our relationship.
Day 3 - Jul 1, 2020
In Ephesians 4, the Apostle Paul describes anger and its ramifications. “Be angry, and do not sin,” he writes in verses 26 and 27. “Do not let the sun go down on your wrath nor give place to the devil.” In other words, he’s saying that we will experience moments of anger, but we have to be quick to resolve it.
If you don’t learn how to process and remove anger, it will destroy your relationship. Think of it like a new house with a hidden leak. Imagine you get married and move into a new home. You’re dreaming of a wonderful life together, but then a leak begins behind a wall, and you never deal with it.
One drop at a time, the damage grows. Mold develops. Over time, the toxic substance eats through the sheet rock and rots the wood until the wall collapses. When you let anger sit inside you, festering, you’ll eventually wake up and discover your house has been spoiled. Your heart has become hardened. Your marriage has lost its intimacy.
Day 4 - Jul 2, 2020
Anger will build in intensity.
Like something under extreme pressure, it expands until it can’t help but burst out in the future. Something you could process and talk about easily today could turn into a massive fight a few months from now. That’s how anger “gives place to the devil,” as Paul wrote.
Unresolved anger begins to deceive you as it becomes more corrosive. It tells you lies about your spouse. It accuses. It turns your heart against the person you love most. God didn’t design us to be a repository for anger. He designed us to ventilate anger rather than store it.
That’s why the Bible is so insistent on forgiveness.
Day 5 - Jul 3, 2020
When anger builds in the midst of a conflict - pick the right time and setting to talk it through.
- Set your conversation up for success by waiting until you’re alone.
- Wait until your emotions are under control.
- Start with affirmation.
Say “I love you and I’m committed to our marriage but I need to talk with you about something.” It’s so important to communicate your feelings and discuss what made you angry. Get in the habit of treating anger this way on a daily basis and you’ll never reach the point where it becomes toxic.