Back to All Series

It’s Killing Your Intimacy

Day 1 - Sep 29, 2025

Intimacy vs. Sex: Understanding the Difference

Many people use the word intimacy as if it means sex, saying things like, "We were intimate." However, intimacy and sex are not the same. You can have sex without true intimacy.

Intimacy comes from a deeper connection, while many couples experience the physical side of sex without feeling truly close. Here are five things that can kill intimacy in a marriage:

1. Lack of Spiritual Dependence

  • This means having unrealistic expectations that can set your marriage up for failure.

 



Take Action

Questions that Need Answers:

  • Are you relying on God or your spouse for your happiness?
  • Do you expect your spouse to meet your deepest needs?

It's crucial to recognize that your spouse cannot fulfill all your needs.

  • Are you placing unrealistic expectations on your spouse?
  • Do you feel your spouse has unrealistic expectations of you?

If so, it may be time for an open and honest conversation. Approach your spouse with care and understanding, keeping your tone gentle. Share your feelings from the heart, and work together towards deeper intimacy.

Day 2 - Sep 30, 2025

Five Things That Can Kill Intimacy in a Marriage

Yesterday, we discussed the Lack of Spiritual Dependence. To improve intimacy, it’s essential to replace unhealthy co-dependence on your spouse with faith in God. While we all need acceptance, identity, security, and purpose, these needs can only be fully met by God.

Today, let’s explore the second factor that can harm intimacy in your marriage:

2. Rejection of Differences

Compatibility in marriage often comes from sharing core values, but it’s crucial to recognize that you can still be very different people. You may have different needs, personalities, and even approaches to money.

A study by the Barna Group found that couples who actively embrace their differences report higher levels of satisfaction and intimacy in their relationships. They discovered that celebrating individual strengths fosters a deeper connection, allowing couples to appreciate each other as unique partners rather than trying to mold one another into a single ideal.



Take Action

We all face a critical question:

Will we reject our spouse's differences, or will we celebrate them?

To foster intimacy, make it a point to celebrate the unique qualities of your spouse. Above all, respect each other. Avoid being harsh or negative about your differences; instead, embrace them as part of what makes your relationship special.

  • How can you celebrate your partner's unique traits today?

Day 3 - Oct 1, 2025

Five Things That Can Kill Intimacy in a Marriage

3. Distraction

Your marriage must be your first priority, right after your relationship with God. It should come before your children, your work, and even your hobbies. You can't truly be intimate with someone who isn't focused on you above everything else.

Stress and busyness can create distractions, causing one partner to turn their heart away from the other. This is often how affairs begin. Instead, make a conscious choice to choose faithfulness.



Take Action

Choose Faithfulness!

Be more faithful to your spouse than to anything else, including your work and children. While your kids and your job are extremely important, they should never take precedence over your relationship with the Lord or your spouse.

It's crucial for your children to see that your spouse is a top priority in your life.

Engaging Question: What steps can you take today to show your spouse that they are your top priority?

Day 4 - Oct 2, 2025

5 Things That Can Kill Intimacy in a Marriage

4. Unresolved Conflict

Intimacy is built on honesty, and it can't flourish until you address any issues in your relationship. Often, when conflict arises, one spouse may choose to stay quiet about what frustrates or angers them. They bury their feelings, thinking it will help, but that's when problems begin to fester.

A wound that festers is much harder to heal than one that is treated right away.



Take Action

Steps to Take:

Pick at least two of the following actions and implement them today:

  • Be Honest with Each Other: Share your feelings openly.
  • Don't Go to Bed Angry: Resolve issues before the day ends.
  • Don't Bury Your Hurts or Frustrations: Address them directly.
  • Set Up a Specific Time to Talk: Approach discussions with care—don't demand a time! Aim to understand your spouse’s heart, not just their words.
  • Refuse to Hide: Good things happen when you bring issues to light; bad things grow in darkness.
  • Seek Support if Needed: If you're struggling, consider talking to a trusted pastor, counselor, or friend before approaching your spouse.

What’s one small step you can take today to address any unresolved conflict in your marriage?

Day 5 - Oct 3, 2025

5 Things That Can Kill Intimacy in a Marriage

5. Selfishness

The worst marriage is one where both partners are selfish. The secret to a fulfilling marriage lies in a couple's commitment to serve one another in love. It’s about having the mindset of, "I'm not happy until you're happy." God designed us to love and support each other—that’s our purpose.

A marriage filled with intimacy is one where husband and wife are so connected that they become almost indistinguishable from each other.

 



Take Action

Reflect on Your Marriage

Is your marriage characterized by true intimacy, from the inside out? Consider if any of these five factors are affecting your closeness:

  1. Lack of Spiritual Dependence
  2. Rejection of Differences
  3. Distraction
  4. Unresolved Conflict
  5. Selfishness

Take time to examine your relationship. Discuss these issues openly with each other and seek to pursue marriage God's way. When you choose to do it His way, your marriage has a 100% chance of success.

Question: What is one small way you can serve your spouse today to build intimacy in your marriage?