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Don’t Let Your Past Steal Your Future

Day 1 - Apr 12, 2021

50% of All Families are Blended Families 

Blended families can be incredible. I know many successful marriages that began this way. After all, there are a lot of great blended families in the Bible.  Even Jesus came from a blended family. But they also include particular dynamics that are present from day one. These dynamics can be challenging. 

One of the most significant issues typically brought into the new marriage is unresolved feelings toward a past partner.

When a word, statement or action triggers an intense emotional reaction, we call these “Bare Wires.” Often, the trigger is an innocent comment or gesture that you somehow relate to your first marriage, maybe specifically to your ex. The emotion is raw because of past hurt or broken trust. Whenever you’re in a similar situation — perhaps only slightly similar — the negative emotions resurface even though the threat is not what it was in the previous relationship.

Still, elements of suspicion, distrust, envy, broken promises and disregard for your feelings and needs can set you off. Your ability to cope with and understand those situations is impaired by your past experiences. You try not to be defensive or to withdraw from your new spouse, but keeping your emotions in check becomes a constant battle.

Take Action

The first step toward healing will include acknowledging to your spouse that you have bare wires.

  • Because your new husband or wife is a safe place for you, trust and vulnerability can act like electrical tape to cover the exposed wire in your heart — insulating and repairing it to help bring closure.