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Steering Clear of Relationship Pitfalls

Day 1 - May 18, 2026

Understanding the Roots of Marital Conflict

Many people believe that marriage is primarily about the future. But is that really the case? For some, marriage serves as an escape from their past, with thoughts like, "I want to find someone who will take me far away from my history." However, research suggests that God has wired us differently. We often seek partners who help us confront our pasts, allowing for healing and growth.

A Powerful Example: Dr. Harville Hendrix

Consider the story of Dr. Harville Hendrix, a renowned author and psychologist known for his appearances on The Oprah Winfrey Show. During the 1970s, he was a professor of marriage and family therapy at Southern Methodist University, yet he divorced his wife after 16 years. Ironically, on the day his divorce was finalized, he was set to teach a graduate class on marriage. Years later, after remarrying Helen LaKelly Hunt, she asked him, "You were the marriage expert—why did you divorce?" This haunting question led them to investigate the underlying causes of conflict in relationships.

Identifying Your Triggers

What topics tend to spark automatic disagreements between you and your spouse? It’s important to understand why these subjects upset you both. Consider how it feels from your spouse’s perspective; it’s hard not to take things personally, even when the issue may stem from deeper triggers.



Take Action

According to a study by the Gottman Institute, 69% of marital conflicts are never fully resolved, often stemming from underlying emotional triggers. Understanding these triggers can transform your relationship.

Steps for Improvement

  1. Self-Reflection: Take time to ask God to reveal the deep emotions tied to your triggers. Understanding yourself is the first step toward healing.

  2. Open Communication: Choose a calm moment to discuss these sensitive topics with your spouse. Ask them to share their feelings and perspectives. Role-play how you can approach these discussions differently in the future.

By addressing these underlying issues together, you can foster a deeper connection and a healthier marital environment. Remember, as Dr. Hendrix says, “The past is not just a story; it’s a doorway to healing.”

Day 2 - May 19, 2026

Understanding the Roots of Conflict in Marriage

Many couples often ask themselves, “Why do we fight so much?” This question can be challenging, but it’s crucial for growth. After eight years of research, Dr. Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt concluded in their best-selling book, Getting the Love You Want, that the primary reason for marital conflict is the wounds we carry from our past.

The Search for Healing

Subconsciously, we seek partners who we believe can heal our emotional pain. However, relying on our spouse to fix our hurts is unfair to both them and ourselves. Studies show that approximately 70% of marital conflicts stem from unresolved emotional issues rather than the specific disagreements at hand. This highlights the importance of understanding the deeper roots of our conflicts.

It's important to understand that “Couples don’t just fight; they fight about the same things over and over.” This cycle occurs because unresolved issues from the past continually resurface.



Take Action

Steps for Improvement

  1. Acknowledge and Communicate: Reflect on whether you have been placing undue expectations on your spouse to alleviate your pain. If so, take the initiative to ask for their forgiveness and discuss how these past hurts impact your relationship.

  2. Seek Healing Through God: Recognize that true healing comes from a spiritual source. Spend time in prayer or reflection, asking God to help you identify and address the roots of your emotional wounds. This step is essential for both personal and relational growth.

By taking these steps, couples can create a healthier environment that fosters understanding and healing, ultimately leading to a stronger marriage.

Day 3 - May 20, 2026

The Hidden Wounds

Many marital fights escalate because spouses are often unaware of each other's past wounds or fear reliving their own pain. One spouse might perceive the other as "overreacting" due to the intensity and speed of their emotional responses. However, these reactions are often triggers rooted in deeper issues.

According to the Barna Institute, over 60% of couples report that unresolved past traumas significantly affect their current relationships. This highlights how crucial it is to understand the origins of our conflicts. Subconsciously, we may be drawn to partners who trigger these emotional wounds because facing these issues is essential for healing. Conflict often arises during this healing process, as couples work through their pain together.

 In healthy relationships, spouses build a culture of respect and appreciation. This mindset can help couples navigate their differences more effectively.



Take Action

Steps for Improvement

  1. Adopt a Team Mentality: Embrace the mindset of “I’m for us, not against us.” Focus on teamwork rather than winning individual arguments. When both spopuses prioritize the health of their relationship, they can approach conflicts with compassion and understanding.

  2. Communicate Openly About Triggers: Take time to discuss emotional triggers and past wounds with your spouse. Acknowledge how these issues affect your interactions and commit to supporting each other in the healing process. This open dialogue can reduce misunderstandings and foster a deeper connection.

Day 4 - May 21, 2026

Moving from Wounding to Healing in Marriage

What happens when we shift from a mindset of wounding to one of healing in our relationships? The first step is acknowledging our own brokenness.  This realization marked a breakthrough in my life and ultimately strengthened our marriage. Stan was patient with me as I began to uncover how the pains from my past were exerting too much influence on our future.

  • I had to let go of my seemingly strong exterior and admit that I carried deep wounds from my past.
  • This realization helped me stop assigning blame and being defensive, which was crucial for my healing.

If you can let go of the fear of being attacked for sharing your feelings, your communication will improve significantly. Stan and I created a safe space for each other, allowing us to express our concerns without fear.

According to the Barna Institute, over 70% of couples report feeling undervalued in their relationships, which can lead to significant emotional wounds. It's vital to reassure one another of your respect and appreciation through heartfelt conversations.



Take Action

Steps for Improvement

  1. Create a Safe Space: Make it a priority to be a safe haven for your spouse. Encourage your spouse to share their feelings and struggles without the fear of conflict. This openness is crucial for mutual healing.

  2. Practice Active Listening: Take a moment to truly listen when your spouse speaks. Listening is a powerful form of healing and can strengthen your emotional bond. Show empathy and understanding, validating their feelings without judgment.

Day 5 - May 22, 2026

The Commitment to Cherishing Each Other in Marriage

Commit yourself to continually pursuing and cherishing one another. Many couples are opposites in various ways, which can initially lead to conflict. However, Drs. Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt found that we are wired to attract partners who challenge us, allowing us to heal each other in the process.

According to the Barna Institute, over 60% of couples experience significant conflict due to their differences, highlighting the importance of understanding and embracing these dynamics. Thankfully, God designed marriage as a healing journey, and He can help heal your relationship as well.

It’s essential to recognize that every marriage—whether newly formed or decades long—is a "work in progress." Rest assured that God holds you and your spouse in His loving hands as you trust Him with your relationship.

When the moment arises, look your spouse in the eyes and sincerely tell them you love and value them.



Take Action

Steps for Improvement

  1. Embrace Your Differences: Recognize that your differences can be a source of growth. Instead of viewing conflicts as negative, see them as opportunities for healing and understanding.

  2. Communicate Affirmation Regularly: Make it a habit to express your love and appreciation for your spouse. Simple affirmations can strengthen your bond and create a more positive atmosphere in your relationship.