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How to Take Your Marriage to Another Level - Part 1

Day 1 - Nov 4, 2024

Many couples today are feeling more anxiety about marriage than ever before. It’s common for couples to enter into marriage with doubts about whether it will succeed. With the rising statistics surrounding divorce, the fear of becoming "one of those failed marriages" can be overwhelming.

However, I firmly believe that couples have a 100% chance of success in marriage when they follow God’s design. One of the essential keys to a thriving marriage is starting with the right expectations.

1. Prioritize Appreciation over Expectation

To manage expectations in your relationship effectively, make it a daily practice to appreciate your spouse. Rather than focusing on the negatives, actively recognize and value their positive qualities. This shift in perspective can significantly strengthen your bond.

For instance, they may not have folded the towels exactly as you would have liked, but they made an effort to contribute by putting the laundry away. Perhaps they took the time to do the dishes after dinner or walked the dog because you had a long day. By focusing on these acts of kindness, you'll discover countless reasons to be grateful.

Remember what initially attracted you to your spouse. It wasn’t their towel-folding skills; it was their warmth, kindness, and zest for life.

2. Express Compassion

Compassion should be a cornerstone of your relationship. To navigate the challenges of marriage successfully, prioritize love and understanding over rigid expectations. Show your spouse compassion by being patient and supportive, especially during difficult times. This approach not only fosters a deeper connection but also creates a safe space where both partners can grow together.

By embracing appreciation and compassion, you’ll cultivate a marriage that reflects God’s love and purpose, setting the stage for a lasting and fulfilling marriage.



Take Action

Transform Your Expectations into Appreciation: A Path to a Healthier Marriage

This powerful principle can change your life, especially when applied to your marriage. By shifting your focus from expectations to appreciation, you can break free from unhealthy patterns and foster a more loving relationship.

While managing expectations is crucial in any marriage, it’s important to remember that those expectations should create warmth and connection. Ultimately, your spouse is what matters most.

Make it a priority each day to express your appreciation for your spouse, even in small ways. A simple “thank you” or a thoughtful gesture can strengthen your bond and remind both of you of the love you share.

Day 2 - Nov 5, 2024

Before we jump in remember to "VOTE".  We are blessed to live in an amazing country.  Most people around this wonderful world do not have the right to vote, and we thankfully do.

  • So, pray for direction on who you feel best repesents Godly Principles, then "VOTE".  

This week, we’re exploring meaningful ways to elevate your marriage. Today, we’ll focus on steps 3-5 for nurturing your relationship.

3. Show Respect:  Respect is the foundation of any strong relationship, including marriage. To show respect means valuing your spouse’s perspective and needs, which is essential for effective communication. Make it a priority to listen and respond with kindness, recognizing the unique insights your partner brings to your relationship.

4. Demonstrate Consideration:  Healthy relationships thrive on mutual consideration. This means valuing your spouse's interests and understanding their expectations for the relationship. Rather than rigidly adhering to "rules," prioritize your partner over these guidelines. By doing so, you create a space where both of you can express your needs and desires, paving the way for a deeper connection.

5. Devote Time to Your Spouse:  One of the fundamental expectations in marriage is dedicating quality time to your spouse. Don’t let your spouse become an afterthought. Make intentional efforts to reinforce your bond. Establishing traditions and shared activities strengthens your connection and shows that your relationship is a true priority in your life.

These steps will help you nurture a loving and fulfilling marriage together.



Take Action

To show respect for your spouse, avoid correcting them in the heat of the moment. 

  • Instead, find a playful or empathetic way to redirect the conversation. This approach allows you to seek solutions without adding unnecessary tension.

Additionally, invest quality time in your marriage by creating meaningful traditions that strengthen your bond. These shared experiences will not only deepen your connection but also demonstrate that your relationship is a top priority.

Day 3 - Nov 6, 2024

There are some fundamental truths about marriage that every couple should understand and prepare for.

First, we all carry past hurts, unique personality traits, and sometimes a lack of understanding about our spouse’s perspective.

  • The truth is, we are all more imperfect than we may want to admit.

Many of us consider marriage hoping to find a perfect spouse.  However, it’s often only after saying "I do" that we begin to notice each other’s flaws, and we ALL have them. Marriage has a way of amplifying these imperfections. This is precisely why God designed marriage to be a journey of growing, maturing, and healing.  Think of it, in the "go" of life and daily living together, we have to leave space for grace in the growing process of each spouse.  

Embracing this journey together can lead to deeper understanding and stronger bonds in your relationship.  When you both realize this, it is a WIN for both of you.  

 



Take Action

This week, set aside a specific time to be H.O.T. with your spouse. Use the "TPC Method" to structure your conversation: agree on a Time, a Place, and the Content you plan to discuss. This preparation will help you both engage in a meaningful and healthy dialogue.

Remember, great conversations start with great questions.

H.O.T. stands for:

  • Honest: Share your true feelings and thoughts openly.
  • Open: Be receptive to each other's perspectives without judgement.
  • Transparent: Foster a sense of trust by being clear and straightforward in your communication.

You will never achieve depth in any of these 3 areas without the presence of Trust in your relationship.  Investing this time will strengthen your connection and deepen your understanding of one another.

Day 4 - Nov 7, 2024

This week, we’ve been exploring meaningful ways to strengthen our marriages. Today, let’s focus on steps 6-8 for nurturing your relationship.

6. Never Question the Nature of Your Relationship:  One of the biggest mistakes you can make in managing expectations is to question your spouse's intentions. Instead of doubting their commitment, choose to trust and communicate openly about your feelings.

7. Avoid Repetition:  If you find yourselves stuck in an argumentative cycle, it’s time to change your approach. Continuing the same pattern can lead to frustration and feelings of defeat for both of you. Break the loop by trying a different perspective or method of communication.

8. Never Threaten Your Marriage:  A healthy marriage thrives on mutual respect and open dialogue. Resorting to ultimatums or threats can damage trust and shut down communication. If you feel the need to threaten your relationship, take a step back. It’s essential to pause, reflect, and approach the conversation with a renewed mindset.

By focusing on these steps, you can cultivate a more loving and understanding marriage.

 



Take Action

When you question the very nature of your relationship, it can corrode trust, which ultimately affects even the strongest marriages. It's important to remember that experiencing issues does not mean your marriage itself is flawed.

Here are some additional strategies to help you navigate conflicts and strengthen your connection:

  1. Take the High Road: When disagreements arise, consider stepping back instead of engaging in a heated argument. Taking a break allows you to regroup and reflect on the underlying issues at hand. This practice not only helps you manage conflict more effectively but also sets a positive standard for your relationship.

  2. Differentiate Between Arguments and Critical Conversations: Understand that there is a significant difference between arguing and having a constructive conversation. Arguments often lead to defensiveness and hurt feelings, while critical conversations can foster understanding and growth. Approach discussions with honesty and openness, as this can help both partners feel heard and valued.

  3. Seek Help When Needed: If you find yourselves struggling to navigate difficult topics, don’t hesitate to seek guidance. Whether through prayer, counseling, or discussions with trusted friends, getting support can provide clarity and strengthen your bond.

By implementing these practices, you can foster a healthier dialogue in your marriage, enhancing both clarity and connection.

 

Day 5 - Nov 8, 2024

This week, we have been exploring meaningful ways to strengthen our marriages. Today, we’ll conclude by focusing on steps 9 and 10 for nurturing your relationship.

9. Don’t Stagnate:  Managing expectations in your marriage isn’t a one-time effort; it’s an ongoing conversation. Regularly check in with each other to ensure that both of your needs are being met. This practice not only fosters open communication but also allows you to adapt and grow together as a couple.

10. DON'T Compare Your Relationship to Others:  It can be tempting to look at other couples and use their relationships as a benchmark for your own. However, this approach can be detrimental. Each marriage is unique, shaped by your individual personalities, needs, and experiences. Instead of seeking a “textbook” model, celebrate what makes your relationship special. It is your own unique life story together and it is a beautiful thing in God's eyes as you both seek and yield to Him in your relationship.   

  • Focus on nurturing your own connection rather than measuring it against others.

 



Take Action

Avoid Stagnation in Your Marriage

Don’t fall into the trap of thinking your relationship is thriving just because you haven’t had an argument that day. True health in a marriage requires ongoing growth and improvement.

When you commit to continuous development, you can create an extraordinary marriage. Embrace the Godly principles that guide strong marriages, but resist the temptation to adopt the expectations of other couples. Instead, work together with your spouse to establish your own unique standards and goals.

Building a healthy marriage takes effort, but the rewards are immeasurable. Invest in each other and watch your relationship flourish!