I Thought Marriage Would Be Easier
Day 1 - Jun 8, 2026
Assumptions usually lead to Dissapointment
Marriage is a divine creation, and everything God makes, He makes perfect, including the institution of marriage. You were designed for this relationship, giving you a unique opportunity for success.
We know Romans 8:28 says, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Yet, many couples find themselves struggling.
You might wonder, "If marriage is meant to be perfect, why do so many fail?" The answer often lies in trust. For many, trust erodes over time, leading to fears of vulnerability and the desire to protect oneself from pain. When trust falters, it can lead to a lack of faith in each other and in God to fulfill our deepest needs.
Take Action
Consider a couple who once felt completely connected but now find themselves drifting apart.
- Small misunderstandings can accumulate, creating walls. These walls often stem from fear—fear of being hurt or fear of opening up. Recognizing these feelings and addressing them together is crucial.
Reflection Questions:
- What areas in your marriage do you find yourself holding back trust?
- When do feelings of fear or anger arise in your relationship, and how can you start to understand and communicate those feelings?
As you reflect on these questions, remember that understanding and communication are key to strengthening your bond. Embrace the journey together!
Day 2 - Jun 9, 2026
In our lives, we all have Four Primary Needs that only God can fulfill:
- Acceptance
- Identity
- Security, &
- Purpose.
Today, let's explore the first two: Acceptance and Identity. The Bible says in Psalm 139:13 “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.”
Acceptance: We all desire to be accepted, yet human relationships can be conditional. In contrast, God remains our steadfast friend, even on our worst days. His acceptance is unwavering and unconditional.
Identity: According to Psalm 139:13, God "knit us together" in our mother's womb. He knows us intimately and gives us our true identity. This identity is not defined by our spouse or others but by God's love and purpose for us.
Take Action
As you reflect on these truths, consider this:
- Are you expecting too much from your spouse?
- Is your spouse placing unrealistic expectations on you?
You and your spouse are meant to be "Help Mates" to one another—like icing on a cake. But, you are NOT the cake! While you can enhance each other's lives, remember that you are never each other's primary source of fulfillment. That role belongs solely to the Lord.
It's essential to encourage each other by reminding one another of what God says about each of you. Even if you or your spouse forgets, God's truth remains unchanged.
Reflection Questions:
- In what ways can you remind yourself and your spouse of your identity in Christ?
- How can you support each other in seeking acceptance from God rather than solely from one another?
Day 3 - Jun 10, 2026
Understanding Security and Purpose in Marriage
In our lives, we each have four primary needs that only God can fully satisfy: Acceptance, Identity, Security, and Purpose. Today, let’s focus on Security and Purpose—two essentials for a thriving marriage. The BIble says in Jeremiah 29:11, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
Security: True security comes from God alone. He is our protector, capable of shielding us from anything and anyone. When we place our security in Him, we can face life’s challenges with confidence.
Purpose: God grants us an eternal purpose that transcends mere wealth, power, or popularity. When we live for Jesus Christ and His Kingdom, our purpose becomes serving the King of kings. This is the driving force behind each day.
Take Action
Imagine starting your day by thanking God for the security He provides—not just for you, but for your marriage and family. This act of gratitude can deepen your sense of safety and connection. Then, consider what purpose God has for you today. Taking time to reflect on your daily purpose can transform mundane tasks into meaningful actions.
- What specific ways can you invite God’s security into your marriage and family life?
- How can you actively seek out and fulfill your purpose together as a couple this week?
By embracing these truths, you can strengthen your marriage and enhance your journey together. Remember, God has a plan for you both—trust in His guidance!
Day 4 - Jun 11, 2026
Meeting Our Deepest Needs in Marriage
Only Jesus can fully satisfy our needs for acceptance, identity, security, and purpose. When we fail to trust Him to meet these needs, we may unintentionally place that burden on our spouses, setting them up for disappointment.
This concept is known in psychology as The Principle of Transference. When we rely on another person to fulfill something that only God can provide, we set ourselves—and them—up for failure. This often leads to disappointment and can erode the foundation of our relationships. Many marriages struggle precisely because spouses depend on each other to meet their deepest emotional needs.
Consider these four needs:
- Acceptance
- Identity
- Security
- Purpose
Now, take a moment to reflect: Have you placed unrealistic expectations on your spouse to fulfill any of these needs? Conversely, is your spouse expecting too much from you? If so, these expectations may surface during conflicts rather than being addressed proactively.
Take Action
To foster a healthier relationship, it's essential to set aside time in a safe environment to discuss these core needs openly and honestly. If necessary, seek wise counsel to facilitate this important conversation.
According to a study by the Barna Group, couples who prioritize spiritual practices together, such as prayer and discussing faith, report significantly higher levels of marital satisfaction. This reinforces the importance of turning to God for our deepest needs.
Reflection Questions:
- What specific needs do you find yourself expecting your spouse to fulfill that only God can?
- How can you create a safe space for an open conversation about expectations in your marriage?
Mandy and I believe that understanding and addressing these needs can profoundly impact your marriage. We are proud of your commitment to intentionally invest in your relationship. Remember, seeking God together can strengthen your bond and lead to a more fulfilling partnership!
Day 5 - Jun 12, 2026
One major RED FLAG we encounter when doing marriage coaching is when one spouse begins putting too much pressure on the other to meet certain needs.
He or she would complain that their spouse isn't providing something neither of them are equipped or purpsosed to provide. We will usually ask the spouse who is making the request, "Why do you assume they should meet that need"? The reason we ask this question is because that mindset formulated somewhere, and we want to try and identify the origin. Then we take them to God's word which is our true foundation.
One of the biggest red flags we see in marriage coaching is when one spouse places too much pressure on the other to meet needs that neither was created or equipped to fulfill.
You might hear things like:
- "They’re not making me feel secure."
- "They don’t make me feel important."
- "I don’t feel accepted by them."
Often, these deep needs—Acceptance, Identity, Security, and Purpose—are misunderstood as something our spouse should fully provide. But here’s the truth: Only Jesus can truly satisfy these core needs.
When we ask couples, “Why do you expect your spouse to meet this need?” we’re not just being curious—we want to uncover the roots of that expectation. Many times, it stems from misplaced assumptions or past experiences, rather than God’s truth. That’s why we always return to Scripture, our firm foundation.
Take Action
Yes, husbands and wives play a vital role in supporting and encouraging each other in these areas. But the foundation of true security, identity, acceptance, and purpose comes first from the Lord. We are called to serve one another lovingly, reminding each other of who God says we are, rather than leaning on each other for ultimate fulfillment.
Reflect on this:
- Are you placing pressure on your spouse to meet needs only Jesus can fulfill?
- Is your spouse putting that kind of pressure on you?
- Have you openly talked about these expectations, or are you assuming their feelings or intentions?
The Bible reminds us: “Seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.” — Matthew 7:7
Take time to seek God’s voice daily. Dive into His Word to discover your true acceptance, identity, security, and purpose in Him. When you are rooted in Christ, you become a source of encouragement and strength to your spouse—not a burden.
Serving each other well begins with serving the Lord first. As you grow in Him, you’ll find your marriage strengthened in ways you never imagined.