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I Thought Marriage Would Be Easier

Day 1 - Jul 25, 2022

Everything God makes, He makes perfect, and that includes marriage. He made you for marriage. That means you have a one-hundred percent chance of success in marriage.

Hearing that, you might ask, "Then why are so many people failing in marriage?" Because, we all know plenty of people whose marriages haven't worked out.

Couples always cite a variety of reasons for getting a divorce, but a common thread runs through almost all of these situations: Trust has taken a hit and no one wants to be hurt.  This can build to the point where husbands and wives don't trust the Lord to meet their deepest needs.

 



Take Action

Be honest with yourself.  How well are you trusting?  Is there an area where you're holding back?  Is there an area where fear or anger seem to rise up?  

WHY?  Start by describing how it makes you feel.  Then try to answer WHY that feeling rises up.

Day 2 - Jul 26, 2022

All of us have four primary needs in our lives that no person can meet: Acceptance, Identity, Security and Purpose. Those are what drive us.

  1. Acceptance: We want people to accept us, but people are conditional. God remains our best friend on our worst day.
  2. Identity:  According to Psalm 139:13, God "knit us together" in our mother's womb. Only He knows who we really are. He gives us our identity.


Take Action

Are you expecting too much from your spouse?  Is your spouse expecting too much from you?

You and your spouse are "Help Mates" to each other.  You are the Icing on the Cake to each other.  You and your spouse can make everything better, or you can make everything worse.  Even though you can be the Icing to each other, it's important to remember you're NEVER the CAKE!  

You're never each others primary source.  That can only be provided by the Lord.  You're not each others source of JOY!.

Don't put pressure on your spouse to provide you with something that only God can FULLY give.  

Day 3 - Jul 27, 2022

All of us have four primary needs in our lives that no person can meet: Acceptance, Identity, Security and Purpose.

Security:  God can protect us from anything and anyone. Our only true security is found in Him.

Purpose:  And only He can give us an eternal purpose beyond making money, gaining power, or becoming popular. When you live for Jesus Christ and the Kingdom of God, your purpose is to serve the King of kings and Lord of lords. That's a big purpose. That's why you get up every morning.



Take Action

Thank Him, and then ask Him!

SECURITY:  Take a moment and thank the Lord for his Security over you.  Thank Him for providing immediate security and for your eternal security.  Ask Him to extend that security over your family and friends.

PURPOSE:  Ask Him to give you insight into your Purpose.  Ask Him about your immediate purpose for today and this week.  Now take steps toward what He showed you.

Day 4 - Jul 28, 2022

Only Jesus meets our needs for acceptance, identity, security and purpose. If we don't trust Jesus to do that, we will start trusting people to do it. In psychology, this is called the Principle of Transference.  Every time we rely on a human to do something only God can do, we are setting that human up for failure. We will be let down.

When you try to get your spouse to meet your deepest needs, you will ruin the relationship. You are pointing your marriage toward disaster from the very beginning. That's why so many marriages fail.

 



Take Action

Look at each of these needs that only Jesus can meet.  

  • Acceptance
  • Identity
  • Security
  • Purpose

Now ask yourself, have you put unrealistic expectations on your spouse to meet any of those needs?  Is your spouse placing unrealistic expectations on you?

Day 5 - Jul 29, 2022

One RED FLAG I encountered when I did a lot of marriage counseling was when one spouse began putting too much pressure on the other. He or she would complain that their spouse wasn't providing something neither of them was equipped or purpsosed to provide.  It’s absolutely true that we play a vital part in each of the 3 areas below.  But, the foundation for each of these areas first comes from the Lord.   

  • "They're not making me feel secure."
  • "They're not making me feel important."
  • "They're not making me feel accepted."

 



Take Action

There are important needs that husbands and wives need to meet for each other, but they are not the needs on this deep level.

Only Jesus can meet these core needs. But I know a lot of good people—including Christians—who don't truly depend on Jesus.