The Danger of Drifting
Day 1 - Jan 13, 2025
The very word “Drifting” implies no intention or effort was given, and that’s the problem.
- We MUST be intentional about our marriage!
The real “Danger of Drifting” is that it's a suttle, slow, and silent marriage killer. You didn’t plan to drift apart. You're not even sure how or when it happened. But, it did!
There was no significant event. No major argument. You just got busy with life and now you feel disconnected and apart.
Here is the problem:
- If you’re not intentional and continually putting effort into marriage, you will inevitability drift apart. Mandy and share often at our marriage events that you must "never stop pursuing & protecting your spouses heart".
Take Action
Bringing Back the Fun and Romance
By understanding these differences, couples can utilize specific tools and strategies to enhance their relationship. Here are a few ways to do this:
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Open Communication: Create a safe space for each spouse to express their feelings and needs. This encourages emotional intimacy and understanding.
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Shared Activities: Engage in activities that both spouses enjoy. This can reignite the spark and create shared memories, whether it's cooking together, going for walks, or playing games that encourage teamwork rather than competition.
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Celebrate Differences: Instead of viewing differences as obstacles, embrace them. Recognizing that your spouse processes emotions differently can lead to deeper understanding and appreciation.
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Intentional Romance: Make time for date nights and special moments that focus on rekindling the romance. Simple gestures, like leaving sweet notes or planning surprise outings, can bring joy back into your relationship.
Day 2 - Jan 14, 2025
Life can often feel like a whirlwind. As you work hard to provide for your family and lovingly raise your children or grandchildren, the daily demands can pull you in many directions. Despite sharing the same home and bed, you might sense that something is missing.
You may find yourself in a situation where there is "Union" but not "Unity," "Sex" but not "Intimacy," and your conversations feel short and shallow. It’s common to think, “If we truly loved each other, this wouldn’t be happening.” However, this feeling may indicate that you have fallen into the trap of "The Danger of Drifting."
The Reality of Drifting: Research shows that couples often experience a decline in relationship satisfaction over time. According to a study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family, about 50% of marriages experience significant dissatisfaction after 10 years. This can lead to feelings of disconnect and emotional distance, even when couples are physically together
Take Action
It's Never Too Late
Now is the time to evaluate your life, your marriage, and your relationships. Here are some steps to help you realign your priorities:
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Examine Your Time: Reflect on where you spend your time, especially your free time. Are your priorities truly aligned with your relationship goals?
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Seek God’s Guidance: Pray and ask the Lord for wisdom in identifying the key areas of your life that require attention. A study by the National Institute of Marriage found that couples who engage in spiritual practices together report higher levels of marital satisfaction.
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Identify Misplaced Priorities: Consider whether some of your activities, while good, may not be the best for your marriage. Sometimes, these good things can distract from what truly matters.
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Recognize What Needs to Go: Be honest about commitments that should be eliminated. These are often areas where you feel a gentle nudge from the Lord to make changes.
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Reorder What Matters: Frequently, it’s the essential aspects of your life that are out of order, leading to drifting. According to the American Psychological Association, prioritizing relationship-building activities can significantly enhance emotional intimacy.
Make Tough Decisions: Be prepared to make some challenging choices for the health of your marriage. By taking these steps, you can transition from merely coexisting to genuinely thriving together. Remember, it’s never too late to rekindle the connection and strengthen your bond.
Day 3 - Jan 15, 2025
The Only Cure for "The Danger of Drifting" is Intentionality
To combat "The Danger of Drifting" in your marriage, it’s essential to be Intentional about investing in your relationship. Simply having your marriage on your priority list isn’t enough; it must hold the right position. For a thriving marriage, your priorities should be arranged as follows:
- Your Relationship with the Lord
- Your Marriage
- Your Kids/Family
- Your Work
All other priorities can shift as the Lord guides you. While your job and children are undeniably important, your marriage must come before both, following your relationship with God.
Regularly placing your work or kids ahead of your marriage can have detrimental effects. Initially, the impact may not be obvious because all three areas are significant, but over time, it will become apparent. Remember, children learn more from observing our actions than from our words. If we fail to prioritize our marriage, it will influence future generations.
Our children watch us live out our priorities daily, and those actions will speak volumes about what truly matters to them.
Take Action
It’s time to "Be Intentional"
Now is the time to take action. Create a simple plan to prioritize your marriage and commit to it consistently. One-time gestures may feel sufficient, but they are merely appeasements, not true priorities.
Start by planning something enjoyable with your spouse today. Here are some simple ideas:
- Take a walk together.
- Sit down for a cup of coffee.
- Go for a drive.
Be intentional about connecting with one another. Choose activities you both enjoy and remember that this time is meant for connection. Avoid tackling heavy conversations during these moments; save those discussions for a different time using the Time/Place/Content method. The focus of this time should be to enjoy each other's company and have fun together!
Questions You Need to Answer:
- What specific actions can we take this week to ensure our marriage remains a top priority in our daily lives?
- In what ways can we model intentionality in our relationship for our children, so they understand the importance of prioritizing marriage?
Day 4 - Jan 16, 2025
You Must Have the Right Perspective!
In marriage, how we perceive our priorities can profoundly affect the health of our relationship. Many people visualize their priorities as a mountain range, with their marriage as a peak on one mountain and other priorities—like children and career—located far away on distant peaks. This perspective creates a false dichotomy, making us feel we must choose one important aspect of our lives over another.
For instance, should you choose your marriage or your kids? Your kids or your career? This kind of thinking can lead to questioning your commitment, resulting in feelings of guilt and inadequacy.
When we allow our priorities to drift apart, we risk losing sight of what truly matters. Research indicates that couples who do not prioritize their marriage often face increased dissatisfaction. According to the National Institute of Family and Life Advocates, couples who actively invest time and effort into their relationships report significantly higher levels of marital satisfaction and lower divorce rates.
A Shift in Perspective
What if we changed how we view our priorities? Instead of imagining them as mountains with a vast distance from each other, consider visualizing them as a deck of cards stacked closely together:
- Top Card: The Lord
- Second Card: Your Marriage
- Third Card: Family
- Fourth Card: Career
In this arrangement, each priority is interconnected, allowing you to honor all aspects of your life without feeling you must sacrifice one for another. When your priorities are aligned like this, they coexist harmoniously, so closely stacked that you can hardly tell where one ends and the next begins.
Take Action
Take a moment to reflect on how your priorities show up in your daily life, particularly during your free time. Who or what receives your best energy, and who gets your "leftovers"?
Examine where you’re spending your time. Are you allowing important areas of your life to drift apart? This week, consider making a few simple adjustments to realign your priorities.
Questions that Need Answers:
- How can you intentionally invest time in your marriage this week to strengthen your relationship?
- What small changes can you make to ensure that your priorities remain closely stacked together, rather than drifting apart?
By reflecting on these questions, you can cultivate deeper connections and restore joy to your marriage. Remember, prioritizing your relationship is a conscious choice that requires intentional effort, but the rewards are immeasurable.
Day 5 - Feb 17, 2025
The Importance of Intentional Connection
Drifting apart is not the same as intentionally spending time apart. During the workweek, we come and go, often spending evenings or weekends with friends without our spouse. Just as we make an effort to leave, we must also make a conscious effort to return together.
When we reunite, our first words should be more meaningful than "What’s for dinner?" or "It’s your turn to watch the kids." Instead, greet your partner with heartfelt phrases like, "Hello, sweetheart, I missed you today." Intentional words matter; they should reflect genuine feelings and come from the heart.
Without intentionality, drifting can set in without us even realizing it.
Show Your Priorities: Your priorities need to be visible to your spouse and family, and they must be authentic. It’s not just about sharing lofty goals; it’s about living a life of purpose.
One of the greatest gifts you can give your children is to let them see your marriage as the second most important relationship in your life, right after your relationship with the Lord. It’s not enough to tell your kids; you must show them. Let them witness you honoring both God and your spouse.
Your kids are already paying attention. So, ask yourself: What are they seeing?
Take Action
Thought-Provoking Questions:
- How can you make your reunions with your spouse more meaningful and intentional?
- In what ways can you actively demonstrate the importance of your marriage to your children?
- What small, consistent actions can you take this week to ensure that your priorities are clear and visible to your family?
By reflecting on these questions, you can take proactive steps to strengthen your marriage and create a loving environment for your family.