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The Danger of Drifting

Day 1 - May 18, 2020

The very word “Drifting” implies no intention or effort was given, and that’s the problem.

The real “Danger of Drifting” is that it can be a suttle, slow, and silent marriage killer. You didn’t plan to drift apart. It just seemed to happen, and your not sure how.

Most of the time you don’t even remember when it happened, but it did. There was no significant event. No major argument. You just got busy with life and now you feel disconnected and apart.

Here is the problem:

  • If you’re not intentional and continually putting effort into marriage, you will inevitability drift apart.

Take Action

Be honest with yourself

  • When’s the last time you’ve laughed with your spouse?
  • When’s the last time you’ve had a meaningful conversation about your dreams, not your bills?
  • When’s the last time you’ve had a date, taken a walk, had some fun with just your spouse?

If you cannot clearly answer these questions, or it’s been over a month, you are Drifting.  

But, it’s not too late.  Make a plan right now to spend quality time together this week.  

  • You take the first step, and give your spouse a few time options.
  • Don’t tell them when you will be spending together, ask them what works for their schedule and plan it together.

Day 2 - May 19, 2020

Life is happening!

You’re working hard to provide for your family. You’re lovingly and tirelessly raising your children or possibly grandchildren.

The demands of life are genuine and must be addressed, but something seems off. You’re still in the same house and sleeping in the same bed, but something is missing.

You have “Union” but not “Unity”. You have “Sex” but not “Intimacy”. Your conversations seem to be short and shallow. You may even think to yourself an unfair idea like, “If we are really in love, this shouldn't be happening”.

But, that isn’t true. You've fallen into the very real reality of, “The Danger of Drifting”.

Take Action

It's never too late, to put things in order.

  • Take a moment and look at where you’re spending your time.
  • Now ask the Lord to help you prioritize your time.
  • You may identify some good things that aren’t God’s things.
  • Some things may need to be moved down on your priority list.
  • There also may be some things that need to be eliminated from your regular schedule.
  • Be prepared to make a few challenging decisions for the health of your marriage.  

Day 3 - May 20, 2020

The only cure for “The Danger of Drifting” is to do the opposite.  

  • You must be intentional and put some effort into your marriage. 

It isn’t enough for your marriage to simply make your priority list.  For your marriage to work, your priority list must look like:

  1. Your Relationship with the Lord
  2. Your Marriage
  3. Your Kids & Work
  4. Everything Else

Your job and kids are extremely important, but your marriage must come ahead of both...with your relationship with the Lord being first.

Putting your kids or work ahead of your marriage will not only hurt your marriage, but it will impact your work and kids as well.  It may not be noticeable immediately because all three are high priority areas, but it will eventually show up.  More is caught than taught and your priorities will impact your kids.  It can have a generational influence.  

Our kids watch us live out our priorities for years, and those actions speak much louder than the speeches we give them.

Take Action

It’s time to be intentional.  

  • Make a simple plan, make it a priority, and be consistent.
  • Doing something once is an appeasement not a priority.  

Plan to do something with your spouse today and keep it simple.  

  • Take a walk.  
  • Sit down and have coffee.  
  • Take a drive.  
  • Be intentional about coming together to connect.  Do something you both enjoy.

Remember, this is supposed to be a time to connect.  Do not tackle any heavy conversations during this time.  Simply enjoy each other's company and have fun together!

Day 4 - May 21, 2020

Perspective is Everything!  

  • The problem may begin with how we actually view priorities.

Most people visualize priorities like a mountain range.  When arranging priorities, we tend to imagine a long valley between each one.  This can cause a mental image of our marriage as a mountain peak, and then way off in the distance is the next priority, or mountain peak.

Imagining your priorities with such distance between them can make you feel as if you have to make a choice.  Do I choose my marriage or my kids?  Do I choose my kids or my career?  This view can cause you to wonder if you really value your kids or take your career seriously.  

  • What if you simply change your perspective of how you view priorities?  
  • What if you stop viewing priorities as separated Mountains with long valleys in between?  This perspective can produce a feeling of choosing one over the other.  
  • Begin viewing your priorities like a deck of cards that are touching.  Your priorities are stacked together and in proper order.

Your priorities can be properly placed in order and stacked on top of each other. The top card is the Lord, the second is your marriage, third is family, and fourth is career. Your priorities are properly in order and yet so close together you can barely tell where one ends and the other begins.

Take Action

Get a new perspective...the Lord, your spouse, kids, grandchildren, work, etc... They are ALL important; but, there’s a healthy and proper way they all must come together.

Our priorities show up in where we spend our time, and especially our free time.  Examine your current priorities by examining how you spend your time!  

  • Who or what’s getting the best of your time and who’s getting your leftover “tired” time?
  • Make a few simple adjustments this week.  

Day 5 - May 22, 2020

Drifting isn’t the same as intentionally spending time apart.

During the work week, we leave and then come home.  During the evenings or weekends, we may do something with friends without our spouse.  So, the same way we intentionally go, we need to intentionally return together.

Our first words when coming back together need to be more than, “What’s for dinner?” or "It’s your turn to watch the kids”.  We need to say things like "Hello sweetheart, I missed you today".  Intentional words come from your heart, and require you to be ready to listen to the response.  Without being intentional, drifting will always unintentionally set in.

Take Action

Your Priorities need to be seen by your spouse & family but they also must be genuine.  

  • It’s not about sharing lofty goals, it’s about living a life of purpose.  So, give your kids one of the greatest gifts they could ever receive.  Let them SEE your marriage as the second most important thing in your life next to your relationship with the Lord.

I didn’t say tell them.  I said show them.  Let them see you honoring the Lord & honoring your spouse.