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Top Five Sexual Needs of Married Men & Woman - Part 2

Day 1 - Aug 18, 2025

Understanding Your Spouse's Needs

Welcome to Week 2 of our series! This week, we continue to explore the unique intimacy needs of men and women, emphasizing the importance of understanding these differences for a fulfilling and healthy marriage.

God created both men and women, and He designed sex to be a sacred intimacy shared exclusively between a husband and wife within the covenant of marriage. To truly understand your spouse, it's essential to recognize that men and women have different sexual needs.

Dr. Gary and Barb Rosberg's book, "The Five Sex Needs of Men and Women," delves into these distinctions. In their research, they interviewed around a thousand Christian couples about their sex lives, yielding revealing insights. According to their findings, there are five fundamental sexual needs for married couples, and this week, we will focus on the fourth need.

A man's fourth sexual need is Initiation by his wife.

Men desire their wives to initiate verbal affection, physical affection, and sexual affection. When intimacy is the woman’s idea, it carries significant meaning for him. It signals that she is engaged and desires closeness, which deeply resonates with his emotional needs.

Many women may not realize the extent of self-doubt that men carry throughout their daily lives.  Questions like:

  • "Am I good at what I do?"
  • "Does my wife think I’m a good husband?" often plague their thoughts.
  • Men frequently wonder if they measure up as fathers, colleagues, and as men. This emotional vulnerability is often hidden beneath a facade of strength.


Take Action

It may be surprising to learn that a man’s most emotionally vulnerable moment occurs when he approaches his wife for intimacy. In that instance, he feels as though he is shakily extending his unprotected heart, unsure whether she will tenderly embrace it or reject it.

While some women may also feel vulnerable when they have a higher libido than their husbands, for many couples, it is the opposite situation. Therefore, when a wife responds positively to her husband’s vulnerable heart, it provides profound comfort and reassurance.

Understanding this dynamic is crucial for building a strong emotional connection. When couples approach these moments with empathy and openness, they strengthen their bond and create a supportive environment for intimacy.

As you reflect on this lesson, consider this important question:

  • How can you actively initiate intimacy in a way that makes your spouse feel desired and valued?

Day 2 - Aug 19, 2025

Understanding Your Spouse's Needs

Welcome to Week 2 of our series on understanding the unique sexual needs of men and women. This week, we delve into an essential topic that can profoundly impact your marriage: Spiritual Intimacy.

A Woman's Fourth Sexual Need: Spiritual Intimacy

For many wives, a critical component of their emotional and sexual fulfillment is Spiritual Intimacy. A typical wife desires her husband to be the spiritual leader of their home. She yearns for him to pray with her and to connect with her on a deeper spiritual level. In fact, much of what is sexually important to a woman occurs long before they even reach the bedroom.

She envisions a marriage as a cord of three strands: God, Husband, and Wife. This imagery reflects a relationship where God is inextricably woven throughout their lives together.

Scripture reminds us of this vital connection: “A cord of three strands is not easily broken.” (Ecclesiastes 4:12). This verse highlights the strength and resilience that comes from placing God at the center of your marriage.

The Need for Spiritual Growth:  A wife needs to see her husband growing spiritually, as this not only nurtures her own faith but also strengthens the marriage.

  • Spiritual leadership is not about dictating or controlling; it’s about serving and guiding together.
  • Men, you can take the first step by actively encouraging your wife in her spiritual journey.


Take Action

Here are specific ways to foster Spiritual Intimacy:

  • Encourage Her Spiritual Growth: Support her in pursuing her faith, whether through personal study, church activities, or community service. Ask her about her spiritual experiences and what she’s learning.

  • Promote Fellowship: Create opportunities for spiritual connection, both with you and with others. Attend church together, join a small group, or engage in community service as a couple.

  • Support Her Spiritual Gifts: Encourage her to express her spiritual gifts, whether in teaching, hospitality, or service. Celebrate her contributions and let her know how much you value her unique abilities.

  • Pray Together: Make prayer a regular part of your relationship. Pray for each other, your family, and your marriage. This shared practice nurtures intimacy and deepens your connection.

Understanding your spouse's needs, particularly regarding Spiritual Intimacy, is paramount to fostering a healthy and fulfilling marriage. As you both grow in your faith together, you lay a strong foundation for emotional and sexual fulfillment.

As you reflect on this lesson, ask yourselves: How can we intentionally cultivate Spiritual Intimacy in our marriage to strengthen our bond and deepen our connection with God and each other?

Day 3 - Aug 20, 2025

Understanding Your Spouse's Needs

This week, we focus on an essential topic that can significantly enhance your marriage: Affirmation.

A Man's Fifth Sexual Need: Affirmation

For many husbands, a key component of their emotional and sexual fulfillment is Affirmation. Just as a wife desires appreciation, a husband longs to be appreciated, respected, and honored. He wants to feel valued and not taken for granted.

When a husband lacks affirmation, he can become discouraged and defeated. It’s crucial to remember that the enemy may seek to fill this void with negative influences or temptations.

  • The danger lies in a husband seeking validation and applause from outside sources, which can create rifts in the marriage.

Scripture reminds us of the power of encouragement: “Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.” 1 Thessalonians 5:11. This verse emphasizes the importance of uplifting each other, fostering a strong bond in your relationship.



Take Action

Strengthening Your Connection

When a husband knows he is the center of your world, the walls around your marriage grow stronger. Here are practical ways to provide that much-needed affirmation:

  • Encourage Him to Hear Your Applause: Regularly express your appreciation for his efforts, whether big or small. A simple “I’m proud of you” or “You’re doing a great job” can make a world of difference.

  • Remind Him of God’s Work in His Life: Share with him how you see God moving in his life. Acknowledgment of his spiritual growth and contributions can deepen his sense of purpose.

  • Pray for Him: Most importantly, pray for him to hear the applause of heaven—to feel and know that God is on his side. This spiritual affirmation can provide him with the strength and confidence he needs.

Understanding your spouse's need for Affirmation is crucial for nurturing a healthy and fulfilling marriage. As you actively encourage and uplift one another, you create a solid foundation that strengthens your bond.

Ask yourselves: How can I better affirm my spouse in their daily life, so they feel valued and supported in our marriage?

Day 4 - Aug 21, 2025

Understanding Your Spouse's Needs

Today, we emphasize the importance of Romance in a marriage, a vital component for nurturing intimacy and connection.

A Woman's Fifth Sexual Need: Romance

Before we dive deeper, let’s remember something that Mandy and I emphasize to couples:

  • Date Night isn’t a Luxury; it’s a Necessity.
  • Never stop Pursuing and Protecting each other’s Hearts.

Now, let’s explore Romance. For many women, romance means that their husband actively pursues them by meeting their unspoken needs. This pursuit shows her that she is valued and continually on his heart.

Romance communicates to a wife that her husband is thinking about her—even when he doesn’t have to be. It’s a reminder of his love and commitment.

Understanding Differences

Generally, Romance includes one or more of the following elements:

  • Small Actions: Simple gestures that convey affection, adoration, thoughtfulness, and love—like leaving a sweet note or sending a loving text during the day.

  • Activities of Novelty: Engaging in fun and unexpected activities that enhance feelings of joy and connectedness, like trying a new restaurant or taking a spontaneous weekend trip.

  • Classy Experiences: Participating in activities or events that add a touch of elegance and sophistication to your relationship, such as attending a concert, dressing up for a fancy dinner, or enjoying a wine tasting.

  • Thoughtful Gestures: Any actions that bring you closer together or demonstrate your thoughtfulness and adoration for one another.



Take Action

Making Romance a Priority

Romance needs to be a Normal and Necessary part of our lives. The truth is, there are no secrets to romance; it simply requires effort and intention.

You need to understand what works for your spouse.

  • What brings them joy?
  • What makes them feel loved?
  • Once you identify these things, make it a priority to apply them as often as you can to sweeten your relationship.

Understanding your spouse's need for Romance is crucial for nurturing a fulfilling marriage. As you actively pursue each other and meet those unspoken needs, you deepen your bond and enrich your connection.

As you reflect on this lesson, ask yourselves: How can I be more intentional in pursuing romance to ensure my spouse feels cherished and valued in our relationship?

Day 5 - Aug 22, 2025

Wrapping Up Our Series

Welcome to the concluding lesson of our two-week series on understanding the unique sexual needs of men and women. We hope this journey has been enlightening, helping you deepen your connection and strengthen your marriage.

Let's Recap of Your Spouse’s Top 5 Sexual Needs

Let’s take a moment to reflect on the key insights we’ve covered regarding your spouse’s top five sexual needs:

For Men:

  1. Mutual Satisfaction
  2. Connection
  3. Responsiveness
  4. Initiation by Wife
  5. Affirmation

For Women:

  1. Affirmation
  2. Connection
  3. Non-Sexual Touch
  4. Spiritual Intimacy
  5. Romance

Understanding these needs is vital for fostering a healthy and intimate relationship. While your own needs are important too, the focus should be on your spouse and what truly matters to them.

As Scripture reminds us, “Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.” Philippians 2:4. This verse emphasizes the value of prioritizing your spouse's needs, which ultimately strengthens your bond.



Take Action

Focus and Connect

Now that you have a clearer understanding of each other's needs, we encourage you to take the following steps:

  1. Review the Lists: Go back over the past two weeks and focus on the areas that are most important to your spouse.

  2. Set a Time to Discuss: Make it a priority to sit down together and discuss both of your top five lists. Verify what is genuinely important to each other and why it holds significance. This conversation can lead to deeper understanding and connection.

  3. Pursue and Protect: Continue to PURSUE and PROTECT your spouse's Heart by actively meeting their needs. Make it a habit to check in with each other regularly.

As you move forward, remember to make this process genuine and enjoyable.

  • Make it Fun!
  • Don’t Overthink It—Just Do It!
  • Learn to Live H.O.T.: Honest, Open, and Transparent communication is key to a thriving relationship.

As you reflect on everything you've learned, ask yourselves: How can I more effectively meet my spouse’s needs to show them they are truly valued and cherished in our marriage?