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The Battle for Control and Dominance

Day 1 - Sep 1, 2025

A Good Marriage Requires Both Spouses to be 100% All In

This commitment is what keeps your marriage balanced and healthy. In contrast, a dominant relationship creates an imbalance. In such relationships, one spouse holds disproportionate control over various aspects—money, children, and decisions.

This type of marriage is not only unbalanced but also unhealthy. Research shows that the most stable homes are those where the husband and wife treat each other as equals.

While one spouse may take the initiative in areas like discipline or finances, it’s crucial that both voices are heard. Together, they should share in the decision-making process. This collaboration leads to strong marriages and emotionally healthy children.



Take Action

According to research, the most stable homes are the ones where the husband and wife treat each other as equal.

Reflect on Your Marriage:

  • Do you think your marriage is balanced?
  • Do you both have equal input?
  • Are you sharing the load?

Consider:

  • How do you think your spouse would answer these questions?
  • I encourage you to ask your spouse these same questions.

Day 2 - Sep 2, 2025

Dominance Leads to a Dysfunctional Home

In some relationships, one spouse may refuse to give the other a voice.

  • Does that describe your marriage?
  • Do you or your spouse struggle with ego or the need to be in control?

A lack of emotional health can lead to one spouse being overly confident, while the other may feel meek and have low self-esteem. While opposite personalities might seem like a perfect match, your marriage is in trouble if one spouse is dominant.

Typically, this dominance is more common among men, but women can be dominant as well. I’ve seen marriages where a very assertive woman married a passive man, resulting in her taking the reins in the relationship.



Take Action

People often marry at their level of emotional health, meaning a dominant spouse will likely find a passive partner.

If dominance exists in your marriage, it’s crucial for both of you to be honest with yourselves and with each other.

  • Be mindful not to compete with one another—when that happens, no one wins.
  • In a Godly marriage, we must prioritize thinking of our spouse before ourselves.
  • If you need help in this area, don’t hesitate to seek wise counsel on how to resolve these issues.

Day 3 - Sep 3, 2025

What Can Cause Dominance?

1. Personality:
Individuals with leadership qualities, confidence, or the ability to speak quickly can easily become the more powerful spouse in a relationship.

2. Fear:
Those who fear being controlled often become controllers themselves. The worst tyrants often start as individuals who once felt afraid.

3. Iniquity and Inner Vows:
Iniquities are generational sins that pass from parent to child. For example, a chauvinistic father may produce a chauvinistic son. An inner vow occurs when a past hurt hardens us, making us unteachable. We might declare, “No man will ever treat me like that again,” effectively walling off part of our lives from God.

4. Bitterness:
Past pain, such as refusing to forgive someone, can negatively impact how we treat our spouse today.



Take Action

Do you identify with any of these four traits?

  • If so, look beyond the outward action and try to pinpoint when this trait became part of your character.
  • Give that hurt to the Lord.
  • Don't let fear prevent you from asking for help.
  • Most people need support in navigating through past pain.

Day 4 - Sep 4, 2025

The Impact of Dominance in Marriage

When one spouse in a marriage is overly dominant and controlling, it can lead to significant problems in the relationship. Research indicates two main ways this dynamic unfolds:

  1. Restriction of Independence: The more the dominant spouse restricts the other spouse's sense of independenceand free will, the more it increases negative emotions and feelings in the submissive spouse.

  2. Negative Reactions: The more the submissive spouse reacts negatively to the dominant spouse's controlling behavior, the more it decreases their overall satisfaction and happiness in the marriage.

In essence, when a husband or wife is too dominant and overbearing, it undermines their partner's autonomy and self-determination. This creates resentment and discord, ultimately damaging the quality and fulfillment of the marriage.



Take Action

A Path to Change

Regardless of the cause, dominance in marriage can be changed.

Think of marriage as a teeter-totter—your position affects the balance, which in turn impacts your spouse. If you feel you are being dominated in your marriage, here are some key steps to consider:

  • Lovingly Stand Up: If your spouse's dominance has ever been physical, seek wise counsel first.

  • Change Your Position: Taking a new stance within your relationship can alter the equilibrium.

  • Assert Yourself: Those who feel dominated are often passive. Stand up for yourself in a loving manner, but insist on respect.

  • Equality, Not Superiority: Assert yourself as an equal partner, not a superior.

  • Be Heard: Make a commitment to be heard and refuse to accommodate the dominance.

  • Set a Specific Time: Arrange a specific time to discuss these issues with your spouse. DO NOT spring this conversation on them unexpectedly.

  • Addressing Violence: If dominance has ever escalated to violence, do not confront your spouse directly. Seek professional help immediately.

Day 5 - Sep 5, 2025

Evaluating Dominance in Marriage

If you find yourself as a dominating spouse, it’s essential to step back and evaluate your behavior.

  1. Humble Yourself: Refuse to make decisions without your spouse's input. This action shows that you value their perspective.

  2. Embrace Growth: Recognize that God can use your spouse to help you become more humble. This process can change both of you forever.

  3. Acknowledge Emotional Pain: Many couples carry too much emotional pain, which can have a detrimental impact on your relationship.

  4. Shift the Dynamic: Dominance can begin to destroy the marriage until the dominated spouse stands up and the dominating spouse sits down.



Take Action

The Path to Equality

You can achieve an equal marriage and enjoy the intimacy that comes from it.

  • Assess Your Relationship: Is dominance preventing your marriage from being a healthy, intimate relationship?

  • Seek Help if Needed: If you find it challenging to make changes on your own, seeking professional help is perfectly fine.

The end result will be a blessed and unified marriage.