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Don’t Talk to Me Like That!!!

Day 1 - Oct 19, 2020

Every good marriage is the product of many good words.  
Every bad marriage is the result of bad words—or no words at all.  

You need to speak a lot of positive, praising words to create a healthy marriage.  Consider how you fell in love in the first place. You talked. You took great care with your choice of words.  You spoke encouraging words to each other in order to develop the relationship.

But once many couples have secured their relationship, that carefulness with words seems to fall away.  Unintentionally, couples can to develop bad habits. They may stop communicating at all, or they only communicate with criticism, nagging, or demeaning words.



Take Action

Have you taken the filters out when it comes to communication with your spouse?  Meaning, you speak before thinking.  You may have even tried justifying yourself by using the statement, "I'm just being honest".  The truth is your "Honesty" could be hurting your spouse.  You're not just responsible for what you say, you're also responsible for how and when you say it.  

  • Put the filters back in!  
  • Think before you speak!  

If you want your spouse to recieve what you're saying and not just hear Your words, then you MUST connect with them.  

  • It's not a monologue speaks.  
  • It's connecting in conversation.  

If it's really important you should also spend time in prayer before speaking.    

Day 2 - Oct 20, 2020

Here are a few root causes of why our communication fades in marriage:

1)  Learned Behavior
Many of our personal habits develop in childhood. Children imitate their parents. That's the first marriage they see, which means their future marriage is likely to reflect what they learned from Mom and Dad.  Even in the absence of marriage that reflection begins to develop a behavior.  

They could learn to speak to a spouse with kindness, love, and romance.  Or they could learn hatefulness, meanness, sarcasm, or silence.

 



Take Action

If you have children, then look closely at your own marriage:

  • What kind of role model are you for your kids?
  • What are they learning from the way you communicate with each other?  Intentionally or Unintentionally!
  • Think about your parents, and what you learned from them:  
  • Are you repeating any of their bad habits?  
  • Are you mimicking any dysfunctional communication you observed as a child?

Day 3 - Oct 21, 2020

Another reason communication breaks down in marriages is:  Insecurity.  

  • Dysfunctional communication usually comes from insecurity.

Every person I know has some form of insecurity. Your internal insecurity can keep you from being verbally affectionate toward your spouse. 



Take Action

Don't be fake!  Be sincere!  

  • With those thoughts in mind, does insecurity play a role in how you speak to your spouse?  
  • Think of ways you can sincerely adjust the way you speak to your spouse, and start today.

Day 4 - Oct 22, 2020

Our security should come from God, whose faithfulness is everlasting.  

When you put your security in Him: 

  • You worry less about what others think.  
  • You don't worry about how your words sound, while still being sensitive to what you say
  • Because, a relationship with Him changes everything.


Take Action

Continue to think of how you can sincerely encourage your spouse with words.  

  • Don't simply give flattery!  
  • Be sincere and use words that come from your heart.
  • DO IT TODAY!  Give a quick phone call or send a quick text to your spouse about something you admire about them.   

Day 5 - Oct 23, 2020

Ignorance.  A lack of knowledge about a woman's needs causes men to say any number of insensitive things.  It can cause a husband to not understand her need to feel secure in the relationship—and how that security comes from deep, honest communication.  Likewise, women who don't understand their husbands' need for sex, can damaged their marriage by withholding it.

In a healthy marriage, everyone wins. Both the husband and wife understand each other's needs and meet those needs.  When you're ignorant of the opposite sex and you're ignorant about how God made marriage, it can cause you to say and do things that are very harmful.  

 



Take Action

God created the world by speaking it into existence, and we also use words to create our world—our marriages, our families, our homes.  

  • What kind of world are you creating with your words?
  • What are you speaking over your marriage, home, kids, job?