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How to Take Your Marriage to Another Level - Part 2

Day 1 - May 4, 2020

Day 1 -  Don't Demand an Apology!

 

 



Take Action

Don't get into a tug of war about you, or your spouses failure to apologize.  

An entrenched non-apologizer may use a nonverbal way to try to defuse tension, reconnect after a fight, or show they're in a new place and wants to move toward you.  

  • Stay open to believe the best.  

Day 2 - May 5, 2020

Day 2 - Less Words With More Meaning! 

Many people say they don't like to talk when what they are really afraid of is getting trapped in a conversation that feels awful to them.

Sometimes the culprit is the sheer number of words and the intensity in the voice. 

 

 



Take Action

  • Slow down your speech
  • Turn down your volume, and 
  • Try to make your point in three sentences or less. 

Of course, longer conversations are sometimes necessary, but they'll go better if you practice lightness and brevity on a daily basis.

Day 3 - May 6, 2020

Day 3 -  When you say you'll do something, do it!

Your spouse needs to be able to count on you and you need to be able to count on your spouse.

Never assume that your overall contribution to the marriage or household compensates for failing to do what you say you'll do.  Don't make promises that you don't intend to keep.  Honor your word!

 

 



Take Action

When your partner makes a reasonable request, they need to know you're listening and that their words can affect you.  

  • Can your spouse count on you to follow through?
  • Don't use an excuse like Attention Deficit Disorder (or any other diagnosis) for not being accountable.
  • Your actions will speak louder than your words.

Day 4 - May 7, 2020

Day 4 -  Stop Being So Defensive!

Defensiveness is normal and universal. It's also the archenemy of listening.

 

 



Take Action

Enter a difficult conversation with the intention to listen only to Understand and not to defend your position - that is, no interrupting, offering advice, defending your position, or correcting distortions, exaggerations, and inaccuracies.

Save your defense for a second conversation.  This is your marriage not a quick negotiation.  Call a timeout if emotions or voices get rasied, then set another time (SOON) to talk.  

Day 5 - May 8, 2020

Day 5 

A. Under Stress, Then Don't Press. 

B. Know Your Bottom Line.

 



Take Action

A.  If you pursue a distancer, he or she will distance more. Consider it a fundamental law of physics.

B.  Be flexible in making changes for your spouse, but never sacrifice your core values, beliefs and priorities under relationship pressures. If you have an "anything goes" policy, your marriage -- and sense of self-worth -- will spiral downward.